I decided to start this online journal to collect my thoughts and ideas about what I believe is my life’s work, which is to explore and research the ways in which “showbusiness” can be used as a realm of thought to educate and to be therapeutically beneficial to the self-actualization and the fulfillment of the human potential of authentic self-expression.
The training, physically and psychologically, that goes into the work of a successful “showman” can be practically utilized as we think about holistic self-mastery.
Production and presentation help us to understand how we can produce and navigate our own malleable realities.
At this point, I feel that writing is the most pure way that I can convey and share my thoughts and ideas. While I am doing work in other sectors, all eminating from this core manifesto, in writing is where I can articulate most effectively.
Another main reason I decided to share in this format is because here I can focus on what I’m really trying to say, without any added production, branding, design, or imagery- this is purely about the thoughts and ideas. I’m sure I will share images and projects, but they will exist as their own things- and the words will remain their own, free from any added sweeteners (persona, typography, irony, color, jazz, for example).
The first post will begin below this, and the second below that, in regular chronolical order.
If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to email me at officexoag at gmail dot com.
xoxoA.G.
March 30, 2020
I love watching interviews with pop stars when they talk about who they are now and how their bold and unique performative self, that they spent countless tears, hours, and dollars to “get to,” is the most authentic thing they’ve ever done. They have succeeded at crafting themselves into archetypes that they themselves can respect and admire, while the rest of us relish in those same sentiments (about them, not ourselves). I love the interviews because I too relish in those same sentiments- I highly respect their journey, I admire their accomplishments, and I envy their ability to have “crossed the threshold” into the pinnacle of their authentic self-actualization.
But as soon as the interview is over, I think, “why did it seem like any talks about the past or the journey to get to where they are now was brief and romanticized, as a means to point out their current glory, however humbly articulated? Why did it feel like there was a bit of shame there? It’s as if they’re saying “listen, I already deleted all my posts on Instagram before my first ‘real’ post, and as far as I’m concerned it doesn’t exist anymore for me, and it shouldn’t for you either.” But how can they make this whole “show” meaningful to others if they don’t share the truly relatable story? How can the successful showman teach what they learned if we pretend like it never really happened? How can they expect to share what is possible for others if they choose to exist purely as an unattainable archetype, printed in high gloss to tack onto the walls of our studio apartments? How can they assume that what we need is their entertainment and form of escapism, rather than real and meaningful, and practical, change in the way that we navigate our own realities and identities?
I understand that the journey could have been difficult. I understand that it might even be embarrassing or traumatic to revisit. And I understand that they may not want us to know who they were or what they looked like before, since they themselves didn’t believe that to be their truth. But isn’t it safe to say that if they acknowledge with the audience that that was in fact not “their truth” that we too can appreciate that disclosure and understand that the only truths that existed, or mattered, was a core filled with intention, will, effort, and potential?
I believe that we can give more credit to the audience, and allow them to see the vulnerable and unflattering journey, and to see those beautiful core sparks as the only set of truths that matter. Because only then can we remove the star from the stage, stripped from their costume, and put their greasy filthy bodies in a rehearsal studio with bad fluorescent lighting and actually learn something from them.
March 30, 2020
“The world’s a stage and we are all merely players,” said the wise Shakespeare.
Yet we’re ill-prepared performers, riddled with stage-fright, and uncertain of which roles we want to play.
March 31, 2020
The S.A.D. Technique
The S.A.D. Technique is the fundamental strategy that I’m currently focused on and getting into, in research and in practice. Here I provide the abstract for the proposition:
The S.A.D. Technique proposes that a disciplined practice of conservatory-style training in the professional fields of singing, acting, and dancing - the skillsets necessary to be a successful showman - can be therapeutically beneficial to the self-actualization of the Self and the fulfillment of the human potential of authentic self-expression.
The triad-approach of The S.A.D. Technique covers the three main forms of expression for the holistic Self: vocal expression (singing), emotional expression (acting), and physical expression (dancing).
Each of the three trainings foster a powerfully therapeutic and cathartic practice in a major sector of self-expression, and when combined, the results can lead to a bold sense of certainty, confidence, and mastery in regards to a vibrantly expressive and authentically aligned Self.
It is important to note that The S.A.D. Technique is removed from the systems of show business. What this means is that it focuses on training the potential of what can be expressed using your Self- your body, mind, and spirit, removed from any sort of production modalities. That includes anything that you can add on top of or around the Self, such as costume, lighting, set, and even branding, design, and promotion, in literal forms as well as in figurative forms. The S.A.D. Technique focuses on the power of what you can express, what you can bring to the spotlight, without concern of the actual spotlight itself. In a manner of speaking, it is the non-material potential versus the material.
Conservatory-style training in singing, acting, and dancing has been historically found to be most successful when it begins with a traditional foundation of disciplined techniques and ongoing practice:
Singing: classical voice lessons
Acting: group acting classes
Dancing: group ballet classes, but can additionally include modern, jazz, tap, etc.
April 5, 2020
A small studio apartment in New York City- about three hundred square feet. The walls are white- thick in layers of varying tones of the same white. The floor is wood- the narrow planks have a white-washed quality to them, but really the ashy white appearance is a result from years of neglect and pacing. The kitchen floor is black and white checkered linoleum, separated from the wood flooring by a flimsy aluminum strip hammered down- but more about that space later.
When you enter the apartment through the door, which is roughly painted white, the mattress is a few feet in front of you, slightly to your right. The mattress is relatively tall and is dressed in white sheets and a single white pillow. Back behind the head of the bed, running along the wall vertically just to the right as you enter the door, there is a thin vertical pipe painted white with a metal clamp-light on it. Below that is the radiator, painted white. Then next to the radiator is a stool, painted white much like the door. On the stool should be placed an object, such as a white rotary phone.
Leaning on the wall perpendicular to the door, just to the left as you enter, is a stack of two stretched canvases on the ground, both facing toward the wall so that all you can see is the wooden stretcher bars and empty canvas. To the right of those canvases, on a slightly extended five-foot section of the wall (known as a “chimney breast”), is the fireplace, painted in a medium-toned ivory. The fireplace doesn’t look deep enough to be functional, yet its depression is covered in soot. To the right of the fireplace, as the wall recedes back to its normal depth, there is a short white laminate-over-particle-board cabinet on the floor with missing handles- it looks as if it was found on the street. On top of the cabinet is an outdated grey device- either a slide projector or a record player.
A few inches to the right of the cabinet is that flimsy thin aluminum threshold mentioned earlier, followed by the black and white checkered linoleum flooring. Just past the threshold is the sink. The sink is a small standalone wall-mounted farmhouse-style white ceramic basin with worn nickel fixtures and two exposed metal pipes attached to the floor, one painted white and the other wrapped in a white plastic sleeve. The sink’s ceramic surface, and the wall-space surrounding it, has visible stains of varying colors. Over the sink, there is a simple shelf made of white wood held up by two white metal shelf brackets. On the shelf, to the left, is a small pile of white wax taper candles, accumulatively melted into each other. To the right of the mound of candles are a few tubes of oil paint, in no particular color palette. Next to the tubes of paint is a tall jar, perhaps an old olive jar, with dark water and several wooden paint brushes. Hung over the shelf is a modest drawing, of indiscernible subject-matter, framed under glass in a thin white frame.
To the right of the sink are the main components of the kitchen setup- a single white cabinet with a small under-mount fluorescent light, a small but full white oven with a four-burner electric stovetop, a white refrigerator, and a backsplash over the oven and refrigerator made of pegboard, painted white. There are a few handwritten notes and postcards posted with magnets on the refrigerator, with lettering and imagery too small to read from a distance. There are a few items on top of the refrigerator, such as a white plate and a roll of paper towels.
In front of the sink and kitchen appliances is a rectangular dining table which could comfortably seat four, although there is only one wooden folding chair, facing away from the kitchen components. The table has a thin natural wood top with dark grey metal legs. On the table is an inexpensive white plastic table-lamp and a selection of objects, which can vary between a newspaper, a paperback book, a pair of sunglasses, a few sheets of loose paper, a ballpoint pen, a pack of cigarettes.
Presumably, on the other side of the kitchen is a window with access to a fire-escape.
The overall lighting is ample, diffused, and even.
Everything is viewed in greyscale.
If you push the mattress a bit further from the wall with the fireplace, you can prop up a found full-length mirror on the wall over the canvases and use the back of the chair to practice ballet nicely. Though one should never rehearse acting in front of a mirror- when you do you can turn the chair around. I would appear to be self-conscious at first about the neighbors being bothered by vocal exercises.
April 11, 2020
The Ing & The Er
The simplest way to break down the “ing” and the “er” is to begin by thinking about the following example-sequence, starting in reverse with the thing we encounter:
4. the song
3. the singing
2. the ing (from “the singing”)
1. the er (from “the singer”)
- “The er” is the desire, the will, the realm of creative and imaginative potential.
- “The ing” is the energy required to perform, the effort, the direct action.
- “The singing” is the performance, the site of skill.
- “The song” is the final dispersible product, the content, the product of the performance.
It is important to note that 1 & 2 are two-parts of the same unit.
Visually, it could be illustrated as:
All performance (3) and content (4) radiate from the nucleus (1 & 2). We know that the core is necessary for the outward production sequence, but if one seeks success- quality, certainty, and authenticity, then what needs to be mastered, prior to sequence commencement, is the nucleus. This sequence can produce in perpetuity, however, in order to produce true greatness, one must master the truth of their “ing” and their “er.”
Fear, which results from uncertainty, will occur if the “ing” and the “er” are not truths. The knowledge required to know a truer “ing” and “er” must be procured, through various engaged intellectual modalities: intuition, research, imagination and creativity. The knowledge conceived can accumulate and even evolve.
In conclusion, to make the shift from fear, uncertainty, and a sense of unfamiliarity into a state of confident certainty, fulfillment, and authentic actions, one must prioritize and focus on identifying their truest “ing” and “er.”
April 12, 2020
(an updated edit of entry on April 5, 2020)
Here I describe in detail the set used by a highly-respected photographer to shoot a world-famous pop star for a widely read publication in the year 2016.
A small studio apartment in the Lower East Side of New York City- about three hundred square feet. The walls are white- thick in layers of varying tones of the same white. The flooring is narrow planks of wood painted white- worn out and dirty, as if from years of neglect and pacing. The kitchen flooring is black and white checkered linoleum, separated from the wood flooring by a flimsy aluminum strip- but more about that space later.
When you enter the apartment through the door, which is roughly painted white, the mattress is a few feet in front of you, slightly to your right. The mattress is relatively tall and is dressed in white sheets and a single white pillow. Back behind the head of the bed, running along the wall vertically just to the right as you enter the door, there is a thin vertical pipe painted white with a metal clamp-light on it. Hung next to that pipe by the door is a narrative painting, about thirty by forty inches, depicting a city scene- a car driving past a few windows of what looks like a dinner. Bellow the painting is the radiator, painted white. Then next to the radiator is a stool, painted white much like the door. On the stool sits a black vintage typewritter.
Leaning on the wall next to the door and behind it as you open it is a giant white ruler, measuring in feet- the kind used to measure sea level. Perpindicular to that, as you enter, is a stack of two stretched canvases on the ground, both facing toward the wall so that all you can see is the wooden stretcher bars and empty canvas. To the right of those canvases, on a slightly extended five-foot section of the wall (known as a “chimney breast”), is the fireplace, painted in a medium-toned ivory or grey. The fireplace doesn’t look deep enough to be functional, yet its depression is covered in soot. To the right of the fireplace, as the wall recedes back to its normal depth, there is a short white laminate-over-particle-board cabinet on the floor with missing handles- it looks as if it was found on the street. On top of the cabinet is an outdated grey device- either a slide projector or a record player.
A few inches to the right of the cabinet is that flimsy thin aluminum threshold mentioned earlier, followed by the black and white checkered linoleum flooring. Just past the threshold is the sink. The sink is a small standalone wall-mounted farmhouse-style white ceramic basin with worn nickel fixtures and two exposed metal pipes attached to the floor, one painted white and the other wrapped in a white plastic sleeve. The sink’s ceramic surface, and the wall-space surrounding it, has visible stains of varying colors. Over the sink, there is a simple shelf made of white wood held up by two white metal shelf brackets. On the shelf, to the left, is a small pile of white wax taper candles, accumulatively melted into each other. To the right of the mound of candles are a few tubes of oil paint, in no particular color palette. Next to the tubes of paint is a tall jar, perhaps an old olive jar, with dark water and several wooden paint brushes. Hung over the shelf, where a mirror would normally be placed, is a modest nude figure drawing, resembling the pose Tracy Emin took in her iconic 2000 self-portrait, I’ve Got It All, framed under glass in a thin white frame.
To the right of the sink are the main components of the kitchen setup- a single white cabinet with a small under-mount fluorescent light, a small but full white oven with a four-burner electric stovetop, a white refrigerator, and a backsplash over the oven and refrigerator made of pegboard, painted white. There are a few handwritten notes and photographs posted with magnets on the refrigerator, with lettering and imagery too small to read from a distance. There are a few items on top of the refrigerator, such as a white plate and a roll of paper towels.
In front of the sink and kitchen appliances is a rectangular dining table which could comfortably seat four, although there is only one wooden folding chair, facing away from the kitchen components. The table has a thin natural wood top with dark grey metal legs. On the table is an inexpensive white plastic table-lamp and a selection of objects, which can vary between a pair of sunglasses, a few sheets of loose paper, a ballpoint pen, a pack of cigarettes, a glass pyramid paperweight.
Presumably, on the other side of the kitchen is a window with access to a fire-escape.
The lighting is ample, diffused, and even.
Everything captured in greyscale.
April 18, 2020
The S.A.D. Technique: Conscious Preparedness for the Subconscious
A “truly lived” life is one that operates largely from intuitive subconsciousness and spontaneous creativity. The paradox is that once we put awareness on the subconscious expression, it therefore becomes conscious; and vanishes.
So, then, the goal of the self-actualized - whose authentic fulfillment is performed with the greatest of their potential - is to become self-mastered in the realm of the conscious.
We can’t exactly control what emerges from our creative subconscious, but we do have control over how prepared and effective our consciousness performs that which emerges from the realm of the subconscious. The following flow-chart illustrates where our control, in the from of training, is of benefit in the therapeutic process of The S.A.D. Technique.
Improved self-mastery at the conscious level, as proposed by The S.A.D. Technique, will in turn cause intensity and vibrancy of inspiration at the subconscious level, igniting a positive catalyst for an authentically powerful and fulfilling experience; the art of living.
April 19, 2020
(A continuation on) The S.A.D. Technique: Conscious Preparedness for the Subconscious
Reversely, when one ignores their subconscious; intuition, imagination, and creative impulses, but does master conscious training, their forms of expression are mechanical and quite skilled at representation, as opposed to expressions that are truly lived.
Creative thought + Honed action
Vulnerability + Practice
Information + Energy
Vulnerability + Practice
Information + Energy
Found on April 23, 2020 / Written in August, 2018
(I believe I wrote this as an artist statement for something)
In a state of profound clarity and seemingly brutal honesty the stark realization that all of existence is a highly dynamic matrix of choices. That is to say that (with cynicism aside) fundamentally our realities emerge from very simple and clear virtual spaces of, essentially, endless nothingness. As our biological brains construct, collectively, these matrixes of choices- interwoven in complexities of resulting psychological structures, systems, and protocols- we accept that our goals are to navigate the roads which have been built- forgetting, or not realizing, that we paved these roads ourselves. This realization comes as a bleak experience. But if we are to overcome the fear (that, too, is our brain at work), we can stand in this virtual space and begin to conceive and craft a malleable and pliable form of choices.
Of course, there needs to be an initial willingness to take on the practice of such choice-making. There must be a commitment to this conglomerate of lies, built on this ultimate truth, because it will become the self-constructed roadmap, however fluid, that will become the new energy-reactor-core which will emanate as your reality.
Disclosure, done right, is paramount. And for the sake of disclosure- it is important to note that what my work aims at illuminating is the power and control that one can harness, with a revolutionary disregard to the agents and agencies, which are perpetually and ever so tightly regarded as absolute rule, and reclaim the charmed role of the showman.
April 23, 2020
(an edit to the example used in the post on April 11, 2020: The Ing & The Er, to a more fundamental and general term)
The simplest way to break down the “ing” and the “er” is to begin by thinking about the following example-sequence, starting in reverse with the thing we encounter:
4. the expression
3. the expressing
2. the ing (from “the expressing”)
1. the er (from “the expresser”)
- “The er” is the desire, the will, the realm of creative and imaginative potential.
- “The ing” is the energy required to perform, the effort, the direct action.
- “The expressing” is the performance, the site of skill.
- “The expression” is the final dispersible product, the content, the product of the performance.
How to Be Great: On Production & Potentiality
Performative-lecture
June 8, 2023
Wolfsonian—FIU
Miami Beach, FL
INTERMISSION: a pause & reflection on the theatricality of existence
Book
Reading 1 ︎︎︎ Conquering Hollywood: a Manifesto
Reading 2 ︎︎︎ Drag-Choices & The Proverbial Sticker Book
Reading 3 ︎︎︎ The Ing & The Er
Reading 4 ︎︎︎ Fame & Anarchy
Reading 5 ︎︎︎ The Critic’s Role
Reading 6 ︎︎︎ The Sensory Qualities of Hair & Makeup
How to Be Great: On Production & Potentiality
Performative-lecture
June 8, 2023
Wolfsonian—FIU
Miami Beach, FL
INTERMISSION: a pause & reflection on the theatricality of existence
Book
